Rejection
by love-and-joy
Summary: How Padmé and Anakin suffer in their respective lives...a series of one-shots. I don't own SW.
1. Rejection of love

**A/N: Exams are over...**

 **Now that I have some free time, I'm not gonna waste it...**

 **A devilish desire is nagging me lately and here I am, writing angst for the first time...**

 **Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with SW.**

 **I won't waste your time anymore...on with the story...**

* * *

 _She rejected him._

 _He bared his soul, his heart to her, and she slashed through it like his lightsaber will do during some aggressive negotiation._

 _Aggressive negotiations?_ Those words were able to make her smile, a smile of his own crept upon Anakin's lips. He lied shirtless on the bed, staring at the ceiling, the different patterns and his thoughts seemed to have caught up on a train, in patterns. Pattetns , some were coherent, like those craved on the ceiling and some shifting, like the moonlight casted over the coherent ones after being reflected off the lakes of Nabbo.

 _Lakes of Naboo. The wind, fresh and cool carrying the scent of roses that enchanted the entire atmosphere over the fields._

He wished they carried her scent as well. He'd bottle it if he could and cling onto it when she wasn't here to cling ono.

He rolled his Padawan braid absently in between his index and thumb.

 _The roses kept in the balcony. In a vase under that tree where he had...well, stolen a kiss._

He tugged a bit too hard and it hurt the skin over his ear. He lied his head back down. Eyes half-closed.

 _He had stolen a kiss. But still it was a kiss. Her mouth felt so soft, lush and smooth. Pressed against his so tenderly. Like feathers. His first kiss. Even when he moved closer she hadn't stepped back. Seemed like she had wanted that, too. Just that, she would't accept it._

''Padmé!'' Came out the involuntary name. She had etched herself into his heart and there was no way to take it back.

Only if she admitted she had some feelings for him. He knew she cares. She does. But...

With every rejection, she had left a scar on his heart, that couldn't be healed, that always hurt, that served as a painful reminder. Of not that she rejected him, but of the grounds on which she rejected him.

 _He was a Jedi... She was a senator..._

 _Attachment is forbidden._

 _Love is forbidden._

 _A Jedi doesn't know love._

 _Nor anger._

 _Nor hatred._

 _Nor fear._

 _Jedi don't have nightmares._

His head began to hurt a little. These rules. Everything forbidden. Then why does he have those nightmares haunting him, robbing him of precious sleep. Of all those things, he couldn't control this. They attack him when he's the most vulnerable.

Well, somewhat like Padmé does.

Even though not intentionally, but still it hurts. She gets his hopes up and then lets him down.

 _That day on the meadow. She was clad in that yellow outfit. Looking like an angel. Her hair curled and pulled into buns, how the golden sunlight touched her skin. Her laugh just like a windchime tinkling. How worried she was when he fell off the shaak. He wouldn't tell that it didn't hurt, it did, but her worried expression erased it all. Rolling on the ground when she was on top of her, he knew that his blush had been_ _unmistakable. Did she notice? The way she had her arms around his waist while riding the shaak. He liked it..._

He sank a bit more into the pillows. The dull ache in his head becoming a throbbing pain. He kneaded his temples for a while and knew its futile.

 _Near the fire he had tried to kiss her again. But she denied him straightforward. He felt rejected. He was rejected. It was like a slap across the face. But he respects her and her wishes. He'd never do anything against her will..._

According to her, they are not meant to be. That no one would accept it. That he can't be a Jedi and a lover at the same time. According to her...

Wait.

According to her...Then what was it, according to him?

Could they really have a future together?

The reality of it hit him so hard, it almost choked him. There has to be a way. There has to be...

He rolled on his side. His head pounding. The pillow was comfortable enough for him to bury his face into as if it would block out everything. He wished it did.

If she hadn't loved him, he'd have never showed her his face again. But he knew she did. And she wouldn't accept it.

He was able to succumb to sleep. But it wasn't what he wanted.

 _A dust storm ragging on Tatooine. He hates it._

 _Then he saw his mother. 9 years old Anakin ran into her arms. Her smile widening as she ruffled his hair. In those bad times, she had, somehow, conjured up the happiness that everyone deserves at least once in their life._

 _He feels everything that he wasn't able to in years. Happiness. Joy. Love. His mother whom he hadn't seen in years._

 _Then like glass...everything shatters. A horde of tusken riders capturing his dear mother._

''Mom!''

 _He urges her to run. Feeling useless as he couldn't do anything. In front of his eyes they drag her away._

''Mom! Don't let them-''

 _Change of scenery._

 _The entire battle of Naboo war playing in front of him._

 _His mother. Padmé. Obi-wan._

 _''Annie...''_

 _''Padmé.''_

 _Her affections pouring into the force._

 _''I'll always be with you Annie. Shmi will be alright. You'll see her._

 _He rests his head on her lap. Her fingers twirling circles in his hair, kneading his temples, easing some of his headache._

 _The next moment he's back on Tatooine. The storm devouring everything. He couldn't breathe...the storm making it almost impossible... Then somehow he's dragged out, his lungs screaming out._

Throwing the pillow away, he sucked in as much air as he could.

He stared around the room. The breeze cool against his bare skin. It was Nabbo. Not Tatooine. And it was the pillow cutting of his air.

His skin slicked with sweat. And his chest heaving with each breath.

And there was no Padmé...

It was just a dream. A dream. Padmé would never come into his room. And why would she? She does all she could to keep that cold barrier between them.

 _But I felt her in the Force..._

He takes a deep breath. Even if she did. Even if Padmé came here, she probably had stayed at the doorway, watching him suffer and left...

 _Would she ever accept she loves him?_

Each rejection brought fresh agony and he bore it all. Pushing back the pain and smiling. A fake smile, which he doubts had its marks on his skin, as he used it so often. But he had a heart too. That felt.

 _Jedi don't know emotions._

He stared out the window. His thoughts drifting away. Wishing Jedi didn't have so many prohibition.

* * *

 **A/N: It wasn't up to my expectation but still hope you liked it. I'll edit it to yield a better result. Right now, I think, I'll update a few more chapters, one-shots with the same theme.**

 **Let me know your opinion about this in reviews.**

 **Happy reading,**

 **~love-and-joy**

 **May the force be with you...always.**


	2. Rejection of heart

**A/N: Ain't gonna waste your time.**

 **'ts from Padmé's perspective.**

* * *

 _We can't be together..._

The marble balustrade cold against her fingers. Padmé stares into the distant scenery. The hills black against the backdrop of midnight blue, star studded sky. The moon beams reflecting off the lakes. Dark and huge like _him..._ Softly...

 _''Everything's smooth here...''_

She shudders at the memory of Anakin's gentle touch on her bare arm. The feel of his lips against her. Gentle. Just like he always is with her. Anakin's words resonate through her. The look in his eyes, intense. Along with his words, the feelings behind those cerulean hues spoke volumes. Volumes, like oceans. She wanted to take a dip in those disturbed waves. Almost a dangerous thought.

 _''When I'm with you...my mind is barely in my control...''_

He hadn't been the only one to feel like that, even she, too, was lost. Like someone who's not fully in control of her mental faculty. She wanted him to kiss her. Even this evening, near the fire, for a moment she'd almost accepted it when he tried to. Fortunately she pulled back in time.

She doesn't know how badly she wants to tell him that he's not the only one who longed as well as cherish'd that kiss. But instead she'd said that it was a mistake...she shouldn't have done that...should not have kissed him back.

He never shies away from her, from opening his heart, speaking the truth...

From being honest...

'T was clear his attempts were not for any selfish desire. It were the words of true love. Though she'd been a lil uncomfortable, this doubt of hers was cleared already...

 _But her..._

She has always created a barrier between 'em. Pushed him away. Drawn her guard up. An impermeable boundary through which he can't break.

 _Or he doesn't try to...because he respects her feelings._

She does these things, not caring how he'd feel...

 _Feelings are not important...but their duties, respective roles to play are..._

 _They are pledged:_

 _He belongs to the Order, she belongs to the Galactic Republic._

Sometimes she's amazed how different they are... Not only circumstances their personalities also help her to reason her actions...

 _He's the Chosen One..._

 _He hates politics, she's a politician..._

 _Irony? He's her lover..._

She shoos the thought away.

 _She follows conscience, he's guided by emotions..._

 _As if she's the Jedi of the two..._

 _Naboo and Tatooine..._

 _She's from a water planet, he comes from a desert one..._

 _He wears dark, she dresses in light..._

 _He's honest, daring to express his feelings...she's not..._

 _They are like sky and earth, who never meet..._

 _But everything has exception, at the horizon, even sky and earth seem to meet..._

 _That's but an optical illusion._

Her fist balls up against the balustrade, her robe drawn tighter to keep away the cold.

 _Even though they never meet, they're in perfect harmony._

 _Oceans soak up every colour, every image of the sky. Reflect perfect replicas, one of the most stunning examples infront of her..._

 _The most beautiful of flowers are delicately craddled the cluster of thorns... Shiny pearls are found in rough oyesters._

For a moment, she almost regrets leavin' him as he was, in the grasp of a nightmare. She did go to check on him. Several dark layers of his traditional Jedi robes were lying sterwn across the floor and couch. His boots discarded, one here and one there. And the covers tossed on the floor as well. The only thing kept properly was his lightsabre along with his utility belt by the nightstand. One moment he was restless, his face buried into the fluffy pillows and his fingers clutching the sheets in white knuckled grip, toes curling. But when she had stood near the doorway he seemed to have calmed down. As if she had been the reason for it.

 _As if her mere presence can calm him down...ease his ailment._

These thoughts were quick to go away.

 _Still, sky and earth never meet..._

 _Those flowered are plucked off from the thorns..._

 _Pearls are taken away from oyesters..._

 _They can't be together... Doesn't matter what..._

 _She is day, he's night..._

 _She cold, he's hot..._

 _She's earth, he's sky..._

 _She's ivory, he's ebony..._

 _She's pearl, he's her protector, her oyester..._

 _He's the chosen one..._

 _Being a Jedi is a part of who he is, she can't take it away from him...he'll be expelled from the Order._

 _Even though it hurts him now, he'll thank her later for it. This pain is worth it._

She's convinced it won't work. No matter what. They can't run away. In the titanic galaxy, there isn't tiny a room for their romance...

Its not possible...

Its not...

With this thought she'd pulled the door of his room shut. Leaving him to go through the tormenting dreams alone. No one for him to fall back on, to comfort him though she could have...

She kept on rejecting him, and with each rejection, it not only broke his heart, killed him a tad more, but her own heart has begun to reject her...to pull the same boundary between itself and her that she has pulled to keep Anakin away...

Padmé Naberrie turns away and returns to her sleeping quarters as the temperature went plumetting...for once a thought occurs to her...to check on Anakin again, to put the covers, that he's probably kicked away unconsciously, on his shivering form...

But she decides otherwise...

 _None of my business...should not be my business...no matter what, my heart has already rejected me for hurting him..._

* * *

 **A/N: Tadda!**

 **So, its done...**

 **Hope you like it, bother to drop a review?**

 **Happy reading,**

 **Love-and-joy...**

* * *

May the force be with you...


	3. Rejection of fate

**A/N: Ain't gonna waste your time with a long author's note... Got good marks in exams, think I am a little happy to be writing angst but anyways...I have resolved to...**

 **Anakin's PoV**

 **After Shmi's death**

* * *

Anakin isn't actually asleep, but is in an almost trance-like or oblivion-like state. All those scream-cries and yelling has drained him of energy, now he doth nothing but feel numb. A seemingly empty hole in his heart that he knows couldn't be healed. His limbs growing heavy as well as his eyelids. He lies still, the heaviness signaling an approaching slumber.

It wouldn't hurt, would it? He'd very much like to escape this world even if for a while. Only if the nightmares don't rob him of that even now. But that doesn't matter. Now with his mother dead he couldn't think of anything worse happening to him. And after he's killed an entire species he very much expects to be expelled from the Jedi order.

Oh...

He is tired of it all...of thinking so much. So much is not going right that finally he doesn't think and hope anything. His mind is actually empty or so to say. Despite his comforting state of numbness and feeling sleepy he stirs slightly. Padmé's grasp on his shoulder tightens.

 _She cares..._

When Anakin doesn't make much movement, she seems to relax a bit. He wants to stay like this forever. To pause time and live in this moment till his death. Heartbroken. This has gained him Padmé's sympathy if not love.

He snuggles closer to her despite the warm weather and the fact that his Jedi robes along with the several layers and leather tabards aren't appropriate at all for Tatooine climate.

 _Had been better if she held him like this during those awful cold nights in Naboo as well, when he was going through those torturous nightmares tearing him apart, all alone in that big room. Shivering like anything._

She sweeps her fingers through his short hair and he buries his face in her shoulder, feeling her creamy skin through her silken dark hair. . She presses a kiss in his hair.

* * *

''...ready? I think its too soon...''

''...For...''

''...don't know...father wants...''

''...he's not...''

''...I understand...''

Anakin has just started to nod off, he would have fallen asleep if not for Beru and Padmé's whispering exchanges.

He couldn't hear completely what they are talking about, he stirs slightly.

''You awake?''

Padmé's sweet voice greets him as Anakin stares blankly at her then at Beru. The drowsiness hasn't worn off. His eyelids dropping or rather his eyes are puffed from crying. He's grateful for Padmé to let him grieve in peace and be there for him when he most needs her. At least she didn't leave him as he is, at least she held him when he cried.

His body protests, too heavy as if his blood had turned to liquid lead, quite unwillingly he pulls himself up into a sitting position and out of Padmé's comforting embrace, rubbing his eyes. He tucks his Padawan braid over and behind his ear.

''Brother Anakin...''

He looks up at his soon-to-be sister-in-law, she is Owen's girlfreind, probably fiancé.

''Arrangements for the funeral has been done...''

She tucks a loose wisp of blonde hair behind her ear that has not been coiled into those incarnate braids about her head. Tears have left marks on her cheeks...

 _These people loved mom, she surely had a good time here..._

Anakin feels slightly elated, at least his mom has seen good days as well, these people were here for her when he couldn't be.

''We are coming.'' He stands up. ''Let's go, Padmé.'' He extends his hand which she readily takes, and pulls her up besides him.

''Thank you, Beru.'' He looks at the older woman, ''for giving my mother the best you can.'' He pulls on his cloak and rubs his face a little. He could swear his eyes are puffed.

''You fixed that starter?'' Beru looks back at Anakin's tinkering skills.

''But I can't fix everything.'' He mumbles and brushes past Beru, his cloak almost flying behind him. Anakin Skywalker can be very intimidating at times.

Beru leads Padmé outside.

Tatooine scorches in the afternoon sun. Anakin's step brother and father stand in sun. Neither of them speaking anything.

Owen turns around to greet Anakin. Grasping Anakin's left shoulder with his right gives what Anakin supposes to be a reassuring squeeze. Anakin knows that Owen himself needs some condolence as well but he's in no state of giving them except to be the one to receive. Otherwise he would definitely have.

Everything goes by in a blur. Anakin's body is here but his mind somewhere else in the galaxy. With his mom...

With Padmé?

 _What to think, she's not gonna budge. Not gonna surrender to her feelings. She hurting not only him but also herself but now, he's mom's dead as well... No family..._

''I love you, mom...''

Anakin turns around to a beeping noise.

R2.

Padmé begins to yell at R2-D2. Anakin unable to hear any of it. Whatever was going on was someway manageable. He still doesn't know whether he and Padmé will ever have there happily ever after.

And now his mom left him.

A sudden loneliness makes him want to double over. He is alone. All alone in this whole galaxy. No one their for him.

 _Isn't this the Jedi he should be, with no attachment..._

 _No, he's attached to Padmé. And that to from a tender age of 10. And he knows very that he's anything bit a typical Jedi..._

 _Somewhere deep inside his heart, a fear is rooting. A fear that he might not be the Jedi he should be. And this could, somehow, cause a havoc. Something that will blow his life apart. His heart apart. It feels so surreal. He's the reason that an entire species is extinct now._

A cold shiver runs down him.

 _A bad feeling that something's gonna happen for sure._

Hadn't Padmé been enough that his fate rejected him?

* * *

 **A/N: HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH YHE WORD REJECTION. IT WAS MORE ABOUT ANAKIN'S SADNESS THAN HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH PADMÉ BUT ANYWAYS...**

 **NEXT I'LL WRITE SOMETHING MORE ORIENTED WITH THEIR ROMANCE...**

 **OR RATHER, FORBIDDEN ROMANCE...**

 **I'M SMIRKING RIGHT NOW...**

 **May the force be with you...**


	4. Anguish

**A/N: Now I'm writing it according to timeline but I think I'll soon start writing randomly. Any kind of angst, heart break, anything...**

 **Actually, thinking about these couple's forbidden love squeezes my heart.**

* * *

The numbing effect of the painkillers are wearing off, accompanying a throbbing pain in the stump of Anakin's arm. He lay tossing and turning over the rough canvas of a bed. Wishing hard for the pain the to go away. But compared to the heartache _she_ has left him with, its nothing. He gasps. Thinking about Padmé makes it suffocating. As if his ribs are purposefully squeezing his heart.

 _''I truly, deeply, love you...''_

Pain like icicles encase his writhing heart in their chains.

 _She did admit. She did say she loved him. And she even kissed him...for the first time with nothing holding her back._

 _And she did it because they were going to die._

 _But neither of them did, what now?_

Anakin sits up and leans his head against the cold wall behind. Pins of pain shoot down the nerve endings of his severed arm. He hasn't lost much blood. Lucky for him, for any Jedi, or anyone engaging in a alightsabre duel that it cauterizes the wounds it causes on contact. Else, he'd have bled white by the time they had reached the medbay.

 _And Padmé had pulled him into a hug. Not just a simple hug. A tight, desperate one. Like you'll hug a partner. Someone to whim your heart belonged. Who rules your life._

 _Like she rules his dreams._

''She said she loves me.'' A corner of his lips curl up into a crooked smile.

 _She said she loves him and they didn't die..._

Anakin anxiously waits for his surgery. That he has to face without anesthesia. And after that he's to accompany Padmé to Naboo. Then...

 _Then what?_

His breath comes out in short bursts. As if some invisible fangs griping on his heart like a death sentence. He has never thought about it...but she had.

 _Even if they love each other, how can they be together? No way is there in the sith. They just can't be together_ _._

 _A future for them is impossible._

 _He ached to her every moment since he has laid his eyes on her. His heart beating every moment to be with her. These wounds that circumstances leave, he bore it all for her. Somewhere, subconsciousness told him that she will love him back._

 _But..._

 _Myraid of colours, that was Padmé in his world is hidden behind the black and white curtains of anguish._

 _Of pure hurt and heart break._

 _His soul is screaming out to him._

 _The force is screaming in his ears and he wants to scream himself hoarse._

Breathing has become difficult.

He's alive for the sake of Padmé. The center to his universe

 _Without her he'll live for the sake of living, his heart void of happiness and body void of soul. What else is there that wouldn't happen the way it shoud? How much more?_

 _What mistake did he commit to deserve this? He is supposed be The Choosen One, the most power Jedi to have ever lived and he can't control things in his own life..._

 _Fear, anger and pain intermixing inside him._

 _As if he'll break into millions of pieces. Just heart shattering. Just like the dawning sun, realization dawns on him, how harsh the reality is!_

He clutches his chest. Sometimes you're hurting so bad, its physically painful. His eyes sting.

 _He should have never fallen in love._

 _But he can't help it. He loved Padmé ever since he was a boy. She had etched her name in his young heart and mind._

 _That could neither be changed, nor be erased._

 _He'll die with this burden on his shoulder._

 _He's been holding on too tight. Almost desperate that if she loves him then nothing could prevent them but how?_

 _Their has to be someway...else he'll die grieving._

A soft moan escape his lips. Wish it were different. That they could be anywhere but here. That Padmé could his and he could be hers.

 _'Why?' The little boy inside him will ask. But of course there is never an answer. And he knows there will never be...how unfortunate!_

 _Things shouldn't have been...been different, he would just wrap her in his arms, hide her from the galaxy and fly away._

 _He would, but he couldn't..._

 _They can't even run away...he wished to fall asleep and never to wake up...and if he does, he will, to see a different galaxy..._

The approaching med-droid signals its time for his surgery.

He'd get a new arm.

* * *

 **A/N: Sometimes I think that how this two could never have been one. Perhaps Padmé knew it well...**

 **Bother to drop a review?**

 **Happy reading,**

 **With love,**

 **Love-and-joy**


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